Stress is change, but for health purposes, it is the body’s response to change.

Levels of stress depend upon our personal needs. The greater the change, the greater the stress. We have a foundation that we rest on. It may be our money, home, abilities, job, people, family, and so forth. Whatever we rest on needs to be unchanging. If we have always had a mother who loves us, we can count on that – no matter what! If we make mistakes and end up in jail, we still have a mother who loves us. These kinds of things that we rely on are our foundation. If the foundation changes, it rocks our world, literally, and the instability causes a great deal of stress. Changes outside of this create little stress. For example, if our mom dies, it will feel like a tragedy and create a lot of stress, but if a friend’s mom dies, it may have little impact. If we depend upon our physical abilities, and have a stroke, it will be stressful to a great degree, but if we depend upon our mind, the loss of physical ability will create a smaller amount of stress.

The other important aspect of stress is control. When we are in control of change, there is little stress. It is when we have no control over aspects of our life that stress becomes a problem. When scientists want to study stress in animals, they give them a “damned if you do, and damned if you don’t” puzzle to solve. The animal has no way out, and becomes stressed.

Change is an inevitable part of life, and therefore stress is natural and normal. Moreover, most of the changes we face are not in our control. Things happen in spite of all we do to control them. People change, people die, things break down, disasters happen. We cannot control everything, but we can manage our response to these stressful situations.

Good Stress

There is good stress. The changing nature of the world can create a constant supply of good stress. Cycles of fortune and poverty, feast and famine, allow us to grow and learn. Good stress can be found in all areas, and creates growth. What may be considered “bad stress” can be turned to “good stress” if we go with it, and grow from it.

Physical stress can be very good, in fact, necessary. The astronauts in the International Space Station must take a great deal of time out of their work to stress their muscles with large rubber bands because they don’t have gravity to stress them automatically. If they don’t, they will have weak muscles and bones. For every week a muscle is not stressed, it will lose 4% of its strength.

We likewise require physical stress. If I go to the gym and stress my muscles, I am actually breaking down muscle fibers, and the body will build them up again – stronger. Stress makes us strong. Bones receive strength in the same manner. Many who have osteoporosis believe they can take a drug that kills bone cells and make their bones stronger, when all they really need to do is stress them with weight-bearing exercise such a running, walking, or lifting weights. This is good stress.

Good emotional stress is found, for example, in a family. It’s very stressful to be married and have children. It’s hard because things over which we have no control change daily. However, as we work through the emotional stressors, we grow in love. I believe there is no better way to learn to love than to have and raise a family – in spite of all the stress it causes.

Bad Stress

There is also, however, stress that destroys. Being in a car accident that stresses the bones too much causes fractures and does damage. Too many toxins create stress on the liver that can cause disease or death. Emotional stress can cause people to become depressed and anxious.

Bad stress tears us down, and doesn’t rebuild. This happens when there is too much stress in a single place. Sometimes the healing ability of the body is not sufficient for the stress we create. Infections, for example, can overwhelm the immune system and cause permanent damage, or death. This can be true of psychological stress. Many who have been in the heat of battles have become damaged from the trauma beyond the ability of the mind to heal and move on. It has been called many things, such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Gulf-War Syndrome, and various others. It was even noted by doctors after the US Civil War.

When there is bad stress, intervention of some kind is required in order to achieve some measure of healing. It will not be a case of just managing the stress on our own. For example, broken bones often require the expertise of a surgeon to prevent permanent disability. This may be true of all forms of bad stress, creating lasting problems that don’t just go away on their own.

Managing Stress

Long-term stress damages our bodies. The stress hormones affect our immune system, allowing infections and autoimmune diseases; they also affect sleep, healing from injuries, inflammation, pain control, and every other system in our body. Chronic stress causes obesity because it makes us resistant to insulin and leptin. It can be devastating! Preventing the effects of stress isn’t just a good thing to do, it’s ESSENTIAL!

Since stress is ubiquitous, we learn how to deal with it by managing stress, not by avoiding it. The best way to do this is to be prepared for stressful times. If we are prepared to handle changes in our lives, we will not become stressed. For example, if we are healthy, and then get the flu, we can handle it. However, if we’re sick already, incapacitated, or severely ill, we could die from the same illness – not being able to handle the stress of the flu. What we get from being healthy is stress tolerance. The scale looks something like this:

The “Medicine Box” is what we get from medical care; it is where our current health care system will keep us. The optimal place to be, as taught in medical schools today, is sick without symptoms. If you have diabetes, you are given medications that will keep you dependent on the doctor, and you will never get well. This is the same with hypertension, cholesterol, heart disease, depression, and all chronic illnesses. Medications, however, are all toxic, and give us low stress tolerance. If we want greater stress tolerance, we need to get away from the idea of symptom relief and seek vigorous health.

This scale works in all areas of life. Wealth would fit just as well. If we are barely living on a fixed income and the car breaks down we have few options, and cannot tolerate the added expense, leaving us broke, dead broke. But if we are very wealthy, a broken-down car is no added burden. Also, emotionally, we can be very healthy and tolerate the death of a loved-one, whereas if we are emotionally incapacitated, it could be devastating to our psyche. Having little spiritual reserves leaves us without a foundation to stand on. If we haven’t built our house on the Rock, then we won’t have the ability to tolerate the major stress of crisis when it hits.

The key to managing stress, then, is to become healthy in all areas of life. This is how we prepare. If we are prepared to manage stress, then we will not fear. Anxiety is such a large part of stress because we are not prepared to handle it. When we are living on the edge, such as being sick, but symptom-free because of multiple medications, we will be anxious for our health, knowing that any added stress could send us to the hospital – or worse!

Stress Relief

Many believe that if they could avoid stress, they would be better-off. We know there is no way to avoid it. Even lying in a hammock on a beach in Tahiti is going to be stressful at some point. Things happen that are outside of our control. If you have a great deal of stress right now, it is essential that you learn the “Serenity Prayer” by Reinhold Neibuhr:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer is answered as we live in the “now.” Those who live in the past have no control over their own lives. They become centered on things that they cannot change, over which they have no possibility of making a difference. Remember, this is stress – a no-win situation, or being stuck with no way out. Those who keep their minds on those things they can control will lower stress levels.

“Wisdom” means acting on truth. When we do things we can, we find ways to relieve the stresses of life, and improve our own lives, and that of others around us. This is real stress relief.

Don’t Forget Love

It has been said that love is the answer. I believe this to be true. As I observe many people in very stressful situations, I find that love is the answer to all problems. All stress is relieved by love. Love is the sacrifice we make for growth. When we love ourselves, we give up things we want in order to improve or grow. We may have to give up television to read a good book. We may have to give up ice cream to be fit and trim. These are the ways we love ourselves. We love others when we sacrifice for them. Giving our time and effort is all we have, though they may be represented by giving money or possessions. The key to love is that our sacrifice must benefit the other person.

The daughter of a family I was treating had gotten into drugs. The father, a wealthy retired banker, was spending a great deal of money to get her well. He had spent in the hundreds of thousands on rehabilitation programs, to no avail. After the stock market crash of 2008 he had lost most of his retirement, and had no more resources. He went to his daughter and told her she was on her own, and he hoped she would choose to change. She did. She quit drugs, got a job, and married, and now has a child that she loves very much. I don’t believe that the money the man spent on rehab programs was wasted. I think the sacrifice was understood by her, and when she was free to choose she had the background of love from which to actually make the changes. His love was demonstrated by his sacrifice for her, and when she was given the freedom she was able to choose wisely.

Freedom

Freedom is completely non-stressful. Freedom is true relaxation. Freedom is control. Freedom is ability. When we are free, we can find creative ways out of even the most aggravating situations. Stress comes when we don’t have freedom. In fact, stress is caused by being trapped with no way out.

Be Proactive

When we choose to do something, there is no stress. It is all of the things that happen to us outside of our control that creates stress. By being proactive, or choosing to do things, we gain control over our lives, and prevent, or relieve, stress.

Some people try to control everything and everyone around them in order to avoid stress. Most often, these efforts end in worsening stress because those around them become stressed in their presence. Others don’t like the stress of being controlled. The object is not to control others to prevent stress, but rather to be in control of ourselves – this is the best way to prevent and relieve stress.

Be Prepared

The Boy Scout motto is an important way to diminish stress. While we cannot be prepared for everything that could come along, we can use our basic preparation skills to diminish the stress of common changes in life. The most important areas of life that require preparation include:

• Financial

• Physical

• Spiritual

• Emotional

I once had a patient who was using Xanax daily because of constant anxiety. She went to counseling and started taking some supplements and was able to get off of the medication. However, she carried one pill with her “just in case” she had a panic attack. Because she had the pill, she was able to calm herself. It was a great comfort just knowing that she had something to calm her if she had to use it. She never did need to take that pill! Likewise, we can have reserves that allow us to feel a measure of security, and giving us more stress tolerance.

Financial reserves are important. Are you prepared for a financial setback? Having a cash fund that can be used in case of an emergency is essential to lowering stress. It takes much of the fear out of life to have a significant sum in a bank account in case of an emergency. Preparation in this area is simple:

• Spend less than you earn.

• Save a little every day, week, or month in an account.

Disaster preparation

What about a natural disaster? Having a “72-hour kit” ready in case of a problem can mean the difference between life and death.

 

Health is the greatest wealth. Keeping your body strong can prevent stress in case of illness or injury. For example, if you are on the edge of illness, in the “medicine box” above, and require surgery, you will have a more difficult time recovering – creating stress. The principles of physical health are also simple.

 

• Eat nutritious food – high-nutrient, low-calorie (fruit and vegetables); avoid processed food

• Eat less than you need, fast 4 days per month with water only

• Exercise daily for 10 to 30 minutes

Spiritual stability comes from knowing God. Each person needs to individually turn to the Lord for counsel and guidance. When we know how to receive instruction, and understand our dependence on Him, we can “build our house on the rock.” It can take a long time to develop this relationship so preparation in advance is essential. If we wait until we have a crisis to seek Him, we will have limited ability to access His help. The way to spiritual maturity is simple:

 

• Pray daily. Pray continuously. Counsel with the Lord in everything.

• Read scriptures every day. Reading even just a few verses daily gives us access to light and knowledge of truth.

• Forgive everyone of everything. Why ruin your life for something that you can’t control?

• Help others. Look for one opportunity every day to help someone else.

Emotional preparation means being independent. Emotional intelligence is when we aren’t dependent on others for our feelings; we don’t need others to “make us feel” good. This also takes time, in terms of years, of preparation. There are two things that give us confidence and self-esteem. The first is to develop loving relationships. Love is the ability to sacrifice for the benefit of another. Parents give up a lot for their children out of love. Spouses sacrifice for each other. Friends will be available in times of need. Living in multiple loving relationships gives a person some stability. The second is to have control of your thoughts. Allowing thoughts of all that is bad in our lives, and in the world, creates anxiety. We gain control over our emotions when we control our thoughts. Control relieves stress, even when the storms of life whirl around us.

• Be a friend. Look for opportunities to serve those around you.

• Seek the good in every situation. Don’t get caught up in speaking about how awful things are in your life, or in the world around you. Think about good things always.

Simple acts – “The Ten-Minute Plan”

Benjamin Franklin was not a stressed man. He retired at age 42 from the printing business, and spent his time learning and experimenting. In his autobiography, he tells his son that what made the difference in his life was a daily checklist of ways he could grow and learn. Each day he would make a mark in his journal next to a quality he wanted to develop, or a weakness he wanted to remove. He thought it would only take a little while, but found over the years he needed to continue the practice. The little things didn’t seem to change in the short-term, but he became powerful over his long, happy, and productive life.

 

It’s never too late to prepare. Begin now. Make the changes you need to. It doesn’t mean having $10,000 in the bank now, it means putting some away, even if you can only save $1 per day – start there. The little things we do on a daily basis add up to a lot over time. But if we don’t change, then nothing will change.

 

All improvement requires directed effort. Make a plan for improvement. A ten-minute plan is simple, and can fit into even the most hectic schedule. This is a simple program. Take ten minutes for each of the following, then check the boxes each day as you do them:

• Pray.
• Plan your day
• Exercise
• Read from the Bible.
• Write in a journal three things you are thankful for.
• Make your own healthy food, instead of eating prepared or restaurant food.
• Read ten pages in a good book (see the list below).
• Slow down your driving.
• Keep a record of income and expenses for the day.
• Write a text or email expressing gratitude or admiration for someone.

There, in about an hour and a half daily we have relieved most all the stress in the world. When life seems overwhelming, it is essential to break everything down into little pieces.

No matter where you are in life, no matter how much, or how little stress you have, keeping a checklist of ten-minute activities to do daily will both relieve, and help you prepare for stressful events. You may make your own list to check off every day. Your list will probably be different, but you can see that these are all very simple, and can be done in ten minutes. When you make your daily checklist, keep in mind that you don’t want to add to your stress by creating difficult or lengthy tasks, but it should include those things that will both relieve stress, and prepare you for future stressors.

We cannot do everything, and when we have a lot of stress, we are even less able to cope because each added responsibility is another weight on our shoulders. The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. Break your whole overwhelming schedule into bites that are simple tasks.

Checking boxes of simple tasks makes a huge difference over time. We will feel better immediately just because we are seeing that we can do things, but in a year we will find great healing, and in five years we will be strong in all areas. We will be living in the present, and finding our abilities to be adequate. We will be in control, able to change what we can, but also, we will have the confidence to accept those things we cannot change – the past. Thus, our stress tolerance will be greatly increased. We will be able to counsel and help others, giving us more confidence, self-esteem, and joy.

This process of growth puts you in control of your life, which lowers stress. If you use a stressful situation to grow, you are changing bad stress that can tear you down into good stress that can build. Look for ways to learn from all the things that happen to you outside of your control.

While change causes stress, and change in inevitable, when we take charge and use those situations to learn and grow, we take the stress out of our lives. We can turn all bad stress into good stress by simply looking for the good, instead of the bad. In this way, stress is a choice we make. So, even though change is inevitable, being stressed-out is not. We can manage stress through our own response to it.

 

Recap of stress reduction:

• Be proactive – prepare for stressful situations that will inevitably happen.
• Turn bad stress into good stress by seeking growth.
• Keep a positive outlook, don’t seek the bad (there’s plenty out there already).
• Stay in “learning mode” always.
• Use a checklist of daily ten-minute stress-relievers to keep you in control.
• Live in the present, not dwelling on the past, nor worrying about the future.
• Love someone every day.

Reading list for stress-reduction:

• How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
• The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson
• The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
• Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey
• The Four-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris
• The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
• The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin